Hello all of my lovely blog readers!
Recently I have been thinking about my childhood and how much fun Christmas was. The excitement of Santa. Trying to stay awake all night to catch a glimps of him, or maybe hearing the reindeer on my roof. Waking up before my parents to go snoop through the gifts and try to guess what I got. It brings a smile to my face.
When I think back, Christmas was a happy time for me but I was completely oblivious to what was really happening.
Fast forward 20 something years.. I am now married, a parent of two, and I get my turn to play Santa. Its not all sugar cookies and rainbows.
So here it is. The 10 realities of Christmas:
1. Christmas lights! Either they don’t work, they are tangled, or they are 3 inches too short to reach the plug in! Upon opening the giant box of them from last year, you immediately pick a fight with your significant other over their crappy pack job. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? Then you realize that YOU were the one that put them away last year. Do you fess up? NOPE, you’re just going to ride this one out…
2. Santa is not that Jolly fat man that comes into your house at night. (ok we all know this but…) Santa is usually up all night wrapping gifts last minute, getting pissed because she keeps losing the tape or the scissors under her rear. Or getting the ends of the gift perfectly folded, reaching for the tape, only to have it wrap around your finger. Yep, let the cuss words fly as you fight to hold on to the perfectly folded package, while the battle commences between your teeth and this piece of tape that is not taking your eviction notice lightly.
3. Wanting to reach through the phone and strangle family members. Everyone has that one family member…You know who I am talking about. The one that wants to take charge of everything, that has an opinion on everything, that doesn’t like your cooking, etc etc etc.
4. Its a Wonderful Life…..enough said…..
5. When the kids have their melt down 1 minute before having to get out of the door. Eventually a $20 bill, that forbidden snack or the game you never let them play on your phone comes out and used as a form of hypnotism to get the kids in the car!
6. Two blocks down the road… CHILD: Mom! I have to pee! MOM: Are you kidding me? Didn’t I just tell you to go before we left the house? CHILD: But I didn’t have to go then!!…….Yep Every time!
7. Forgetting to put tags on your gifts. Best part? Watching everyone open your gifts and seeing your great uncle Harry get Princess Wishing Star! HA!
8. Receiving that gift that is so hideous, you have no choice but to think that the gift giver is either on drugs or blind. Then having to put on the most genuine smile and pretend to absolutely love it, because the gift giver is ecstatic!
9. That friend that always has to get your kid the noisiest gift and thinks its the funniest thing ever. Pay back sucks jerks!!!!
10. Last but not least. The moment of panic when you realize that you forgot the freakin batteries! 1 hour later after you find a store that is actually open, you come home and the kids have already moved on to something else.
Well I hope you enjoyed my little blog post, and you all have a very Merry Christmas full of crazy family fun, depleted bank accounts, and noisy gifts. ;)